Thursday Jun 19, 2025

Ever Found Yourself Nodding Yes While Screaming No on the Inside? Love Bites with Lifestyle Coach Francesca Luca

Love Bites is a weekly segment with Lifestyle Coach Francesca Luca on The South Shore's Morning News. You can listen every Wednesday morning at 9:10.

We’ve all been there—agreeing to plans we don’t want, taking on extra work we don’t have time for, or saying yes just to avoid awkwardness. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation wondering how you got roped into something (again), this post is for you.

So… have you morphed into an ever-expanding sponge?
Has saying “yes” become a permanent tattoo?

If you're constantly overcommitted, overwhelmed, and wondering how you keep ending up in situations you never agreed to (except you technically did)… this one's for you.

We’ve all nodded through requests, signed up for things we didn’t want to, or agreed to something while our inner voice was screaming, “OMG, I can’t believe I agreed to that” But here’s the deal: You’re allowed to say no. You need to say no. And yes it’s going to feel awkward—until it doesn’t.

So let’s hit reset and dive in.

Why DO We Say Yes When We Want to Say No?

There are a few all-too-familiar reasons:

1. We don’t want to disappoint people

We fear hurting someone’s feelings, or worse—damaging a friendship. (Newsflash: True relationships can handle a polite “no.”)

2. Fear of confrontation or rejection

Saying no feels like lighting a fuse. But avoiding conflict often leads to resentment—and that’s a much bigger explosion later.

3. Guilt & Obligation — the BIGGIE

You feel bad for turning someone down. So you say yes… then feel worse afterward. That guilt loop is sneaky and exhausting.

4. People-pleasing tendencies

If your self-worth is tied to how “helpful” or “available” you are, you’re probably carrying a backpack full of burnout. Time to unpack.

5. Low self-worth

You might say yes because deep down, you don’t believe you have the right to say no. (You do. Every single time.)

6. Lack of boundary-setting skills

If no one ever taught you how to assert yourself without a panic attack, you're not alone. But the good news? It's a skill—and you can learn it.

Why You SHOULD Say No

Because you deserve respect. Period.

If you don’t respect your own time, energy, and limits, why would anyone else?
There is no perfect time to start. There’s no perfect script. JUST DO IT.

And stop obsessing over how to say it “just right.” You're not writing a breakup letter.

Oh, and by the way: The people who get mad when you say no?
Yeah, those are often the ones who benefited most from your lack of boundaries—not the ones who deserve your energy. But that’s a Love Bite for another morning…

The “Say No” Toolkit You Didn’t Know You Needed

Stick these phrases on your mirror, laptop, or forehead—wherever they’ll remind you that you’re allowed to take up space and say no without guilt.

Better Phrases Than a Panicked “Maybe”:

"That won’t work for me."
"I can’t give it the attention it deserves."
"It’s not a priority for me right now."
"I have other priorities I have to put first."

Setting Boundaries, Your Way:

"Are you open to other ideas?"
"My experience tells me that won’t work—have you considered…"
"I agree with the goal, but I’d like to tweak a few things."

Whatever You Do, Avoid These Wishy-Washy Responses:

“Let me think about it…” (Translation: I’ll stew over this for 3 days and still feel guilty.)
“Maybe…” (A non-committal yes in disguise.)
“Let’s talk about it later…” (No, let’s not. Say no now.)

Final Word: You're Not a Bad Person for Saying No

You’re not selfish. You’re not rude.
You’re just someone who finally decided to stop being available to everything and everyone except yourself.

Saying no isn’t rejection—it’s self-respect. So go ahead. Practice it. Say it in the mirror. Say it in a text. Whisper it. Shout it. Sing it if you have to.